BLOOD
OVERALL
BEASTS
BREASTS
Directed by:
Martin Kitrosser
Starring:
William Thorne ... Derek
Jane Higginson ... Sarah Quinn
Van Quattro ... Tom Quinn
Tracy Fraim ... Noah Adams
Country: USA
Runtime: 90 min
Aka: Silent Night, Deadly Night V: The
Toy Maker
Martin Kitrosser
Starring:
William Thorne ... Derek
Jane Higginson ... Sarah Quinn
Van Quattro ... Tom Quinn
Tracy Fraim ... Noah Adams
Country: USA
Runtime: 90 min
Aka: Silent Night, Deadly Night V: The
Toy Maker
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 5: THE TOY MAKER (1991)
The Silent series is starting to remind me of the horrendous Witchcraft series. Each entry is different, yet
the same, and the level of competence seems to lessen with each installment. Luckily, they pulled the
life support plug on this turkey of a series with this fifth and hopefully final entry which manages to be
equally ridiculous and boring at the same time.
This time around the big bad isn't a man in a Santa suit (sigh), or lesbo witches that worship giant
roaches (thank God), but killer toys made by a chubby little toy maker named Joe Petto (played by none
other than Hollywood icon Mickey Rooney). Now to fully understand the brilliance of this film you must
uncover all the subtext and if you do, then you'll have this movie's "surprise" ending figured out way
before the movie even starts thinking about dropping hints. Let me spell it out for you, though. Joe Petto
is the toy maker and he has a son, who's name happens to be Pino. Get it? Come on, you get it right?
Joe Petto (Gepetto) and Pino (Pinocchio)? Are you with me on this? I hope so.
We first meet Derek, a young boy who watches his father get his face torn away by a mysterious
Christmas present left at their doorstep. He goes mute and his mother, Sarah, is at a loss. Two weeks
later, everyone seems to have gotten over the dad's death and no one cries or mentions the event.
Sure, Derek is still mute, but Sarah is perfectly fine and willing to move on. A strange guy starts hanging
around, stalking Derek and acting like a pedophile, but it turns out that this is Derek's real dad and he
and Sarah get it on in his car....again, this is 2 weeks after her husband passed away. In the meantime,
we get to meet the kindly Petto and the bizarre Pino. Petto's behind the scenes personality, though, is
not so kindly. He routinely gets drunk and beats the hell out of Pino, who is always doing weird shit like
breaking into Sarah and Derek's house and handing out killer toys to people.
Anyway, this boring ass movie drags its feet like a lame mental patient until we get to the ending that
everyone has guessed by now. Petto breaks into Sarah's house and kidnaps Derek. Sarah and Derek's
real dad break into Petto's store and find Petto dead. But Petto shows up and takes his face off to
reveal that he is.....ready for it?......a ROBOT! The droid puts on Pino's face and the truth is revealed.
Sarah cuts him in half...the end. I don't really feel like going into it anymore.
As directed by Martin Kitrosser (writer of Friday the 13th parts 4 & 5, and Tarantino's favorite script
supervisor), the film lacks energy or intensity and pretty much feels devoid of any terror. The killer toys
idea is interesting, but not executed very well, and actually hampers the filmmaker from making a good
film. What's so freakin' hard about making this a slasher movie series again??? One funny anecdote for
this production is that star Mickey Rooney was one of the famous faces that boycotted the first Silent
Night! According to imdb.com he wrote "the scum who made it should be run out of town for having
sullied the sacredness of Christmas." Of course, maybe by the time of part 5 he had let bygones be
bygones and found himself in need of money when he decided to appear in the fifth and final entry.
Neith Hunter and Clint Howard from part 4 make cameo appearances this time around as Kim and Ricky,
respectively. They are apparantly the same characters, but no mention of bugs is made, except for Kim
telling Sarah that she "wouldn't believe the stuff she's gone through!" Whatever the reason, they are
pointless here and add nothing to a production that was desperately crying out for something...anything.
I don't know whether it was the heavy and retarded Pinocchio metaphors or the scene with the stupid
rocket roller skates or the creepy pedophile stalker being Derek's dad or the overall impression of
shoddiness that makes me sick. All of it, I guess, is responsible and I'm sorry to say that because of
parts 4 and 5 I now cringe at the mention of the Silent series. Never has a series started with so much
awesome promise and ended so abominably disappointing.
IN CONCLUSION:
Seeing as we've reached the end of this series, I'd like to give my final wrap up thoughts of it as a whole.
I never had a problem with a killer Santa, it's been done before and it will be done again and again
because it is a great choice for a serial killer. A symbol of innocence and good becomes a symbol of
violence and death...genius! It's a shame that some sensitive people took the steam out of a series that
could have been legendary! I loved the first one, hated the second one, was ok with the third, and
loathed the fourth and fifth. That's pretty much it. First one is great and to me that is all that exists. It's
one to be enjoyed over and over again, pity they didn't make sequels (wink wink). HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
- Jose Prendes
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